A Couple Healing
by tasha.vick
Summary: Johnlock. Sherlock and John's musings some time before and on John's wedding day.


**A/N: This is a little one-shot about the feelings of both Sherlock and John some time before and on the very day of John's wedding, when Sherlock returns but is still living away from John. Mostly poetic, pensive and melancholic with a chance of always unexpected sunshine :) Let me know what you think. John's words/thoughts-bold; Sherlock's words/thoughts - italics. Johnlock!fic, obviously.**

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_Celestial eyes, do they sleep? I wish I could lie to you. Tonight there is absolutely nothing between our hearts, except skin and the night air. I can't live without it, I just can't. Impossible._

_You've always caressed me with your gaze, and every time it took my breath away. I keep believing the love and lust will stop. But no. You are in my blood. So many years of give and take. The first, final, only one. I dream of ghosts and sweet treasons of life. But, the non-existent angels don't give up, they pin you to my blood. _

_Your body and your mind is what wakes me and lulls me to sleep. Forgive me, my dear friend, and you'll see, the moment you think it's too late to wish...perhaps I'll be there._

_You and me. Darkness the color of wine. Almost as soft as the moonlight. Nothing but silence. And us against the world._

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**Conversations and dreams underneath the sheets, wine and smoke in the embraces. Andf the smell of hazelnut, indigo skies, and just…you and almost feels like more than an abstract notion. Show me where your horizon meets , it seem you're just too far right now. Wake me. I hate nights like these. Wake me and come take me away. Hide me from the feelings I keep in my breast pocket, protect me and…lie to me just one more time.**

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_If only I could wake in a world of love – a concept so foreign and already so dear to me. A universe with no monsters perpetually on my tail. If only I could embrace you, with no memories of cold springs, without the image of death, stuck to every part of my being._

_My existance is nothing but a staring contest, a tired raccont, ripping up of worn pages with no words. My life, if it can be called that, is an eternal fall. Once the defeats are numbered, there's nothing left. Nothing and no one but you. The habits of leaning on you, counting on you are still there._

_I wish I could wake you up in the mornings and enjoy coffee and tea in bed,sensing afterwords the beans leaving their mark, along with your tongue, across my lips. If only I could care, my dear John, with someone else, if only to keep me from always looking at your worn out soul, the consequence of my own actions. But that's harldy likely to happen. It was always you._

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**Since I was a child, I was taught to believe in angels. And yet, no one was ever there to explain to my innocent eyes why it hurts, why one breaks? Is life simply a flow of tears, happiness nothing but a paper boat, gone upon sorrow's deathly grip?**

**All I've always had with me is a gift of naivete, and we live in a world which can't help but crush souls who dare to take the leap. And yet, after all the shallow lies, a sign awaits, in the form of…you. In the depth of your universe-coloured spheres.**

**You resurrect my heart, and pure love is what my religion is all about now. With you I've understood that I was born to love as long as I exist. And she must never know.  
**

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_Your hands drip with tenderness reserved only for me. You pour my soul into mine as easily as you take breath, even when we are physically miles apart. You are the only one with the strength to revive me, hiding my life's force in your own chest. Something happened to us. Where to now, now when dreams get lost in the fog? I flew high and fell, remained so caught up in real life. Everyone sings of it, the very way in which we disappeared, the notion of us turning into a notion of you and someone else. No one thinks of love, and when** you** do – you lie. To yourself. Her. Me. Yes. I've lost sight of the real target, the only goal worthy enough, and yet you keep living an existance without us._

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**The night itself seemed left behind, only serving to hide my face, nothing more. I'm back in the deepest of pits, praying for the touches I never got to experience. There's no strength left in me to cry out the sorrow that overwhelms every inch of my worthless being. I know that after today, you will have left me forever, and yet, I still plead for your embrace.**

* * *

_Who else believes in me and claims to know me? Also, no one lies to you quite like I do. Without hearing a sound, or turning their head, can they know your footfalls? It is something of which I am insanely proud. You wish to go on, but you always come back, the world is your oyster and yet you have nowhere to go but to me. No one, not even I know why I cannot live without you. You are in me, and no one knows the chambers of this palace quite like you. The more you're here, the more attached I become, and curse myself for the weakness. Weakness which brings me such elation and joy. And yes, ultimately, I do realize it and hope it's not too late. The look on your face tells me that I'm just in time. ''I love you'', I say. You smile. And, when we walk away, and She smiles back at you with a smile and a nod, it's alright. More than alright._

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_Why do you trust me? My veins overflow with wine! The sweetness in my words is nothing but its voice. What you see in my eyes is the truth, others have told you so! And yet, you're here, taking everything I have to give._

_Why should you believe me? As if you know all about me...no one does! You're not a child, my lips are made for deception. They've tricked you into giving away your heart, and now...it's too late._

_Tomorrow…tomorrow it shall be better, once the spirits have perished, tomorrow the lies will be visible. Perhaps I'm a different man upon sunrise, maybe I'm not the one for you? Yes, tomorrow will do, when your core aches less, and mine does too. Maybe I'm not the one._

_Why do you soak in all I say? And tonight, of all nights, when all of it comes so easily, when the Merlot says ''I love you'' in so many ways. You don't deserve the pain of the words, so, I beg of you, believe that I lie. Please. And save yourself the damnation._

_For the truth will not stop rushing out my hazy mind and then we will both be stuck._

__ _But, would that really be the worst of things? Your soft lips touch the cold skin of my neck and I realize, with outstanding clarity, that not a drop of alcohol had touched my lips the night before. It was you. I'm drunk on you. My John, my salvation, my love. I'm not stuck. Merely free for the first time._


End file.
